Deep in thought so bare with me…
I’m just taking this moment to sit with my thoughts as I find writing and sharing healing…
There was a moment today were I was able to acknowledge my absolute dislike for my own vulnerability, being thrown into to a space where I put myself into the position of needing to do, as though I once again need to prove myself and prove my worth.. I took a moment to breathe into the fact that I detest my own vulnerability, run from it, hide from it, leaving it no room to just be because vulnerability is quite scary.
I also witnessed my need to run away from aloneness/oneness, not loneliness please be clear and by aloneness/oneness I am speaking of just sitting with Self alone and being at one with Self through allowing yourself to be on your own.
Judgement. I am in reflection regarding judgement particularly after reading this:
Reading this, really taking the time to sit with this made me reflect upon how judgemental we can be to ourselves and if this is a long standing habit, something that grew with you in childhood – it can be very difficult to even recognise within yourself. Of course people want to be around people who make them feel good about themselves, people want to be around people who uplift them but what if you’re addicted to being down played, to neglecting your needs, to being frightened to speak your truth, what if you’re addicted to self wallowing, what if you find comfort in such things because that’s the deepest connection with Self you have allowed to nurture or fester long enough to be able to recollect with ease and what if you find comfort in the fog.
The levels to Emotional Intelligence are so profound and I sit here an wonder if this is why we are yet to peak as humans.
So much time is lost outsourcing ourselves and relying on external forces to grow and nurture us, that it takes so long to pluck up the courage to delve deeply within.
Interestingly, I notice basic awareness can be available, is a available however I can often recognise that our ability to have awareness doesn’t necessarily prompt and direct us to act accordingly. For example: acceptance of our need for nurturing requires the acknowledgement that you want to be nurtured as is the same for the releasing of hurt. You must first acknowledge that you have been hurt in order to work through pain and yet it’s much easier to gloss over pain, to ignore it, to wipe it away until it comes back, down the line, until it resurfaces because the body holds no more room for that which truly causes suffering.
We are so powerful, so magnificent but lack awareness,
Or is it will or understanding?
I am tired yet I refuse to take a nap – why is that?
I out rightly know exactly what I need to do in order to nurture myself in this moment but I refuse to do so as though I am awaiting permission from someone and who exactly is this someone I await permission from?
And what permission could possibly set me free, if I choose to go against myself.
No one holds greater power over us than us. You must be your own guardian which is twice as hard if you lacked role models or stability but somehow you must learn to nurture yourself as if you had all you needed.
You have all you need.
Self Belief because without it you are just another puppet on a string, Self Belief keeps you out of line, out side the box – Free.
Free as you are meant to be.
Free as you are meant to be.
Free as you are meant to be.
I struggle to ask for basic affection because deep down, there’s remanence of a former version of me that does not believe I am deserving and these disastrous feelings burn me, I am sure that they are not entirely my own or just from this life time, I feel I am carrying weight from all the women in my family present day and past and this will end with me.
No more shall the females of my lineage carry this weight, this ugly disgusting, burdensome weight that makes you reject yourself, encourages you to not love yourself.
See I understand this work is heavy and it isn’t easy but I do understand that when I am in my highest state my power is endless.
And so wherever you’re at right now please honour yourself, please be kind and patient, allowing yourself the necessary time to work through what you need to. Giving yourself permission to cleanse your mind body and soul.
And above all,
learn how to practice Self Love,
learn how to love yourself
and learn what loving yourself means, what loving yourself feels like, how loving yourself enhances your day, your life, your experience, the opportunities presented to you, the direction of your day, the inner peace you experience.
Be gentle enough with yourself, to give yourself permission to just be.
I wonder if loving yourself is hard because it truly is the ultimate gift and once you tap into this reality, this necessity, you really are not able to cower away and succumb to old ways because not only is it extremely painful to go there but – there truly, energetically and physically is no place for you there, any more.
So my question is this how to move forward into the unknown with the awareness that you will be challenged in order to prove your growth, how do you do so willingly?
What is the best way to practice non judgement within a species that has come to love judgement?
It’s amazing what can come up, when you least expect it, when you truly take the time to become not only aware of yourself but observant of Self, the astounding ability to rectify our own flaws is ever present.
Humans have the capacity to be magnificent.
And yet we do so much harm.
Why is love caught up in control?
Why does humanity allow criminals to etch away at the collective soul?
Healing Is Empowering.
Healing Is Painful.
Healing Is The Route To Self Love.
As, is it not love, a true, deep love that we all yearn to know but without loving yourself, you will never truly know and the more people continue to wear masks the further away from our roots we will grow.
The children will know nothing different, they will know not love heaven sent.
Self Love must be embedded in the Mother and in the Father too. The message from the womb must be a reminder that they are here to do what we couldn’t do.
And yet first we must wander on our journey reconnecting to the dismantled Self for the greatest love we will ever get will be the love we plant and nurture for ourselves.
Never knock the beauty of unravelling the thoughts within the mind. It’s an honour to hear your self and give your self your own time.
Sending light and love, ALWAYS x
“To Love Thyself Would Be An Awfully Big Adventure.” LD Lore